How to Destroy a Soldier’s Life

I stole my title from Hot Air’s Cassy Fiano, who was responding to a piece published on Salon.com. The author of the Salon piece, one Courtney Cook, apparently took it upon herself to describe her experience in marrying a soldier, how she divorced him, and how she moved on from that divorce. The opening is below:

You’d be surprised how easy it is to leave a soldier on deployment. You can do it with a letter. (He can’t argue with you. He doesn’t have a phone.) If you lay the groundwork early, saying to the soldier before he leaves, “This will be the end of us, we might as well admit it,” it’s that much easier. The letter won’t even come as a shock.

And if you have children with that soldier? You can handle all that with a letter, too. He’ll write it — because he cares about the kids, because he wants to work with you to do what’s best for them even though you’re leaving him — and you’ll give it to them. Here again, you will avoid a nasty confrontation. Who will they cry to? You? You’re just the teary-eyed bearer of the letter. Him? The one who’s sweating it out in the desert?

There will be no moving truck, no boxes, no house torn asunder. The soldier is peeing in a bucket as you pack. He doesn’t care who gets the couch.

Fiano does a very good job ripping this lady apart. I won’t excerpt her entire response, but below is part of what she said about Cook’s opening:

She presumably doesn’t care about the effect this has on soldiers while they’re deployed. They’re over there fighting for their lives, and she thinks it’s a smart move to saddle them with this while they’re in the middle of that? You’ve got to be a pretty damn low person to not care about the extra stress you’re putting on someone that’s fighting a war and risking their life, all because you don’t want to deal with telling them face-to-face that your marriage is over.

I find Cook’s piece terribly offensive. I have not been overseas thus far in my military career, but I have many friends and acquaintances who have, as well as a great-uncle who fought in Vietnam, and I am certain they would be as well. Cook shows herself to be self-centered, selfish, shallow, emotionally vapid and completely callous in general, but specifically towards her ex-husband. I am shocked that Salon, which I read from time to time when it’s linked to Hot Air or Real Clear Politics, would publish her take on- and this is the title of Cook’s piece- “How to leave a soldier” during a time of prolonged war and conflict. Furthermore, assuming Cook used her real name, her ex-husband and her children- including her son, who joined the military, something she expresses displeasure about- may very well face humiliation, shame and anger from their fellow service members, among other negative consequences, as a result of Cook’s vile “advice” to military spouses.

Fiano acknowledges what we all should- that being a military spouse is incredibly tough, and some people just aren’t made for that kind of life. Says Fiano:

Now, I know firsthand how difficult a relationship in the military is. I don’t begrudge someone who acknowledges that they can’t handle it. It takes a special kind of person to be able to endure this lifestyle. Camp Lejeune is full of women who make it through with grace, dignity, and class — and women who just couldn’t do it. There’s no shame in admitting that you just can’t handle it. A lot of people, especially 18-year-olds who don’t come from a military background, just don’t fully realize what they’re getting into when they marry someone who is active-duty military. I don’t personally believe it means they should take the easy way out and leave, but I don’t think it makes them a bad person, either

Cook, unfortunately, couldn’t take being a military spouse. Leaving her husband while he is overseas, while not recommended and something that says a bit about her timing and priorities, should not be held against her in the long run. However, the way she decided to leave, the attitude she held while doing so and her decision to write on a popular website about the experience…those are things we should soundly reject in a society that supposedly supports the troops as they fight overseas. If we do not, if we let people like Cook infect our society, we show ourselves unworthy of a military made up of patriotic men and women who voluntarily risk life and limb so the rest of us can care about Jon and Kate, the Balloon Boy and Tiger Woods’ affairs.